Big City Dreams KickthePJ
by Chic N Stu
Summary: Rated M for a later adult theme. (Not kickthestickz, KickthePj/OC) Alicia is a young and aspiring model, so she moves to London, the fashion capital of England, with her best friend, Serenity, and meets the dashing PJ Liguori. What will happen when she begins to become sick? Will PJ be there for her or not?
1. Weightless

_big_city_dreams/set?id=50901947_ (Polyvore([dott]) com comes before that, as for the rest of the links I post, unless otherwise specified.)

_It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light._  
-Aristotle Onassis

As I stepped onto the plane, I took one final look at my hometown of Sevenoaks, Kent. A single tear stung my eye as I thought of leaving behind all I've known. I felt the tear run down my cheek and dribble onto the floor.

"Are you crying?" My best friend, Serenity asked. She was going with me. She said that she really needed to get out of the normal routine of Sevenoaks and start anew in London. Where no one knows her, or the things she's done, or anything.

"No, the wind just blew something into my eye."

"Alicia , I know when you're lying. We've been best friends since sixth grade."

"I'm going to miss Sevenoaks, that's all."

"Oh, Alicia ," she said, shaking her head, "we're moving to the other side of the country, who wouldn't? I cried the whole way from Nottingham to here. It's scary, I know."

"I don't want to leave, but I have to. I want to follow my dreams…" I said, trailing off.

My dreams. I've never wanted anything but. I'm going to become a model. It's the whole reason why I'm going to London. It's the fashion capital of the UK. Nothing is going to stop me.

The whole plane ride there, all I could think about was getting into our new apartment. Then I'll be one step closer to living the dream.

After the movers had gotten all of our stuff inside, we decided we should go explore the city.

I went into a Starbucks to get my normal vanilla bean frappuccino with a caramel drizzle and whipped cream.

As I was walking out, I accidentally bumped into a tall man coming into the building, spilling my drink all over him.

"I am so sorry!" I said.

"It's okay," he said sounding slightly irritated. "It's my fault."

"No, it's mine. I should've been looking to where I was going!"

"Really, it's okay. I'm PJ by the way," he said holding out his hand.

"I'm Alicia . Me and my friend just moved here today."

"Well, welcome to London," he said as he walked into the coffeeshop.

A few days passed and I hadn't seen PJ since, but my manager (a.k.a. Serenity) did find a modeling gig. Well, kind of. First I need to go be auditioned, but Serenity is sure that they'll pick me.

/hrehydfhbbsadgfsdg/set?id=52412715

When I got to the photo shoot, there were a bunch of other girls before me, so they had me wait.

When I got to the waiting room, I saw, none other than PJ, walk in with a gorgeous girl, and for some reason, I just felt really bad at that moment. Then the girl went to go and sign in for the photo shoot while he came over to me.

"Hey, do you remember me? I'm PJ, we met at Starbucks the other day."

"Oh, yes. I do remember."

"So, are you waiting for someone, or…"

"I'm here to audition to be a model."

"So is my sister."

"Alicia DeVeaux? We're ready for you," said a woman sticking her head out of the door.

"So, Alicia , how did you hear about this agency?" said a forty-something woman.

"My manager was looking for a modeling gig and she found this one. She said that it's a great place for beginners."

"What type of training have you gone through?"

"I took an etiquette and modeling class all throughout middle school and high school. They basically just taught me manners, how to have good posture, some poses, how to look natural in front of the camera, and how to properly walk down the catwalk."

"How recent are your headshots?"

"Only a few weeks old. My dad helped me make a portfolio right before I moved to London."

"Why are you interested in a modeling career?"

I paused for a second, trying to figure out why I really wanted to be a model. "This may sound really cliché, but I love being in front of the camera. It's all I've ever wanted. Fashion is a deep passion of mine. It takes more than just pretty face. I think modeling is an art form and tells a story without words."

**Okay. That's all for this chapter. I might post one later today, but probably not because I'm a failsauce.**


	2. Practice Makes Perfect

_/jadhgarh/set?id=52812551_

_Change your thoughts and you change your world._  
-Norman Vincent Peale

About a week after I went to the interview they called me and told me that they wanted to me to be in their photo shoot. _Me._ Of all people, me!

When I got there, I looked around. All the other models were so much skinner than I am. All the clothes were just right, though they did have to give me the biggest size. I never really thought of myself as fat. I still don't. I'm a steady 153 at 5'11''. But I guess it couldn't hurt to lose a few pounds.

"Hey, you're the girl PJ was talking to at the auditions?" said the girl who PJ came in with. She had the same curly locks as he did, as well as his hypnotizing green eyes.

"Yeah. You're his sister, right?"

"Yeah, I'm Sadie," she said, holding out here hand.

"I'm Alicia," I replied, shaking her hand.

"It's nice to finally meet you."

"You too!"

"He talks about you all the time! Mostly about how pretty you are."

"Really? We've only met twice..." I said as a woman in business suit came over and whisked Sadie away.

I absentmindedly sat there while the stylists did my make-up and hair. I stared into my own blue eyes, thinking about my body. Was my body right for a model? Was I too, dare I say it, fat? I'm average for my height. But, was average going to cut it in the vicious world of fashion?

_No,_ I thought. I'm not going to think like this. If they don't want me because of my body, then so be it! I just won't work for them if they can't get over that not everyone has a body like Kate Moss or Miranda Kerr. I'm me, and if they don't like it, then too bad!

Even after I came to that conclusion, I still couldn't help but pick out my flaws. Each and every one of them. My cheek bones aren't high enough. My hips are too narrow. My jaw line isn't defined like it should be.

My trance was soon broken by someone grabbing my arm and taking me to the set, where I was told to pose. We were told that the dresses make us look good, not the other way around. I put my hand on my hip, and arched my head back a bit. The photographer told us to stay still, and the bright flash illuminated the room more than it already was.

As I changed back into the clothes I wore here, I avoided looking in the mirror until the very end, just to ensure I looked fine. Though, I sure didn't _feel_ fine.

"Alicia," someone said, tapping my shoulder, while I searched through my purse for my phone. I spun around, only to be greeted by Sadie's smiling face. She just kind of muttered out some uh's and er's before finally saying: "You're really good. So natural in front of the camera." She kept glancing over her shoulder, and behind me.

"Are you okay?" I asked, giving a slight laugh.

"Oh yeah, I just wanted to say that you're a really good model and to keep up the good work," she slowly said.

"Well, thanks! You are too."

"Hey, PJ!" she said, as he came into sight. "I forgot something..." she said as she walked away.

We both murmured a hello and stood there awkwardly before he finally broke the silence.

"How've you been?"

"I've been really good! How about you?"

"I've been good as well. I was wondering if you would, uh, like to hang out sometime..." he stuttered out awkwardly, putting his hands in his pockets and rubbing the back of his hand.

I instantly broke out in a huge smile, which probably made me look deranged. "Yeah, sure!" I said, trying not to sound weird by being too over-enthusiastic.

"Okay, cool. How about Friday when I pick Sadie up from that photo-shoot?"

"Okay, sounds like a plan," I said, grinning from ear to ear, as Sadie came around the corner and took him away.

The entire way home, that smile never faded. Why was I so happy about this? Did I _like_ PJ? Of course not! How could I? I don't even know him! He sure was gorgeous though...

I took my ritual nighttime shower, carefully making sure I didn't look at myself, which was quite inevitable, but I did the best I could. Was I really letting letting this get to my head? I'm perfect, just the way I am...right? That's what society says... Or is it all just one big lie? Is it some sort of fabrication to have less self-loathing girls on their hands? Or is society the one actually imposing this self-loathing thought onto impressionable minds? With the idea that if you're not skinny or pretty enough, you'll never make it as anything in this world? And then they'll turn around and say "everyone's beautiful!"?

I got out, stepping into the arctic air outside of the shower, the water dripping down my cold body. I put my hair up into a towel turban and ascended into my room across the hallway.

I stood doused in the light of the full-length mirror I have mounted on my wall. Rolling my head back and forth on my shoulders, I tried to point out what's good about me.

_Nothing_, I thought. Nothing is good about me.

"Dinner's ready!" Serenity called from the kitchen.

"I'm not hungry!" I shouted back as my stomach let out a growl, begging me to fill it with the new enemy. _Food_.

**ERMAGERD. After nearly 2 months of abandoning this story after the first chapter, I'm back! :D**


	3. Golden

**Before we start, I changed her name. As soon as I posted the first one, I knew I was making a big mistake with her name. I don't like it on her... So if you're confused and think "I THOUGHT HER NAME WAS KALIA", it's because it _was_ Kalia. If I forgot to replace a Kalia in a previous chapter, drop me a message letting me know please :)**

_/lgkajgf/set?id=52703249_

_Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!_  
-Audrey Hepburn

I woke up in the early hours of the morning, that burning sensation I've only had to face a few times still inching it's way at me. I couldn't deal with it anymore. I got up, and made myself a nice fruit salad. My small purebred Pomeranian, Kumo, started barking at my feet.

"Kumo!" I said softly, shushing him. Just as I expected, Serenity shuffled out of her room, her hair tangled in the back. She covered her eyes as she stepped into the light of the kitchen.

"What are you doing up?" she groggily whined. "Do you know what time it is?"

"I was hungry..." I said, tipping the bowl to show her the fruit.

"Tell your dog to shut up. Some of us have work in the morning."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, my irritation showing in my voice.

"Nothing...I just hate being tired at work, and your dog woke me up."

"I'm sorry..." I muttered as I swallowed the last of the fruit, and walked back into my room, Kumo closely following.

I laid back down in king size mattress, Kumo curled up by my stomach. I slowly drifted off into a horrible sleep, I kept waking up for no reason, but, alas, I finally managed to stay asleep.

Friday couldn't come any sooner, though. Friday's photoshoot seemed to drag on and on, until finally, we were allowed to leave. I was the first in the dressing rooms, quickly changing into my everyday clothes. I rushed over to the mirrors, taking the extravagant make up off, and applying my typical eyeliner and mascara. Quickly undoing my hair, and coming it out to it's typical waves, I was finally presentable and comfortable enough to see PJ.

"Hey," I said going up to him, a smiling gracing my face. I was quite shorter than him now that I'm not wearing my heels. Before, I was about as tall as him, now he's a lot taller than I am, being that I'm in sneakers.

"Hey, so what do you want to do?" he asked as I followed him out of the building. In October, it was a really nice day, which was rare here.

"I don't mind, but can we stop at my place first so I can feed my dog?" I asked.

"Sure," he said, and we continued our voyage to my apartment.

As we got closer and closer to my building, PJ's face just kept getting more and more in awe.

"You live here?" He asked as I unlocked my front door.

"Yeah..." I asked in an uneasy tone.

"This is one of the richest buildings in London! How can you afford this?"

"My dad's a CEO, and I'm Daddy's little girl."

He looked around at the high ceilings, huge windows, and expensive furniture, a big chandelier, and a floor length window out looking the city. Things like this are all I know.

After he got over the fact that I'm rather wealthy, I fed Kumo and we went on our way.

After we hung out for a while, I found out that we both have a lot in common. Our musical taste was the same, among other things. I also found out that he has a YouTube channel, and I promised I'd watch some of his stuff tonight.

"We should definitely do this again," he said as we begun to depart.

"Definitely."

When I got home, I showered, once again, trying to avoid the sight of my body. I went to bed happy.

**I know this one is short, but YOU KNOW WHAT?**


	4. One Step Closer

**I give you permission to punch me if I change her name again. It will forever be Alicia.**

_/ajio/set?id=57365040_

_All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them._

_-Walt Disney_

I laid in my bed, Kumo curled up on top of my feet, while I surfed the internet a few weeks after PJ and I first hung out. We've hung out a few times since that, all at his house. I was extremely uncomfortable since I haven't eaten all day. I even skipped dinner last night. But there's nothing wrong with me...right? It's not like I have an eating disorder. I was talking to my sister on Facebook when my phone vibrated over and over again. I picked it up and unlocked it, showing me PJ's name with a new text from him, asking me to hang out with him today. Of course, I accepted.

As I stepped out of the apartment building, I could feel the cold breeze chill the skin that was exposed to the outside air. I looked up at the sky. It was a light gray, with a thousand clouds covering the sun. I had a very strong feeling it was going to snow, being that December was right around the corner.

"Hey," I said as we met up at Starbucks, ready to walk back to my house this time, giving a smile.

When we got back to my place, we sat down on the sectional couch to watch a movie Serenity rented a few days ago and still hasn't taken back. I placed a bowl of popcorn between us and pressed play on the remote.

I was carefully counting how many pieces I had eaten. _1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. _I was going to calculate the calories after he left and then add them to my food journal.

"Do you want to join me for dinner?" I asked as the movie came to a close. "Serenity's working late tonight, so I'll be all alone!"

"I'd love you, but..." he began.

"Please don't leave me alone in this great big apartment to have a dinner by my lonesome!" I begged, giving him the puppy dog eyes.

"Fine," he said, smiling, the guilt finally overcoming him.

We turned on some music on my laptop and began dancing around in the spacious kitchen, our laughter bringing up the atmosphere, while some "authentic" stir-fry was cooking. Stir-fry is all I know how to make. I've always had cooks to make my food for me, so I'm still learning the basics.

Eventually, I lost my balance, and tripped over my own feet. Luckily, PJ caught me in tome before I fell to the ground. Our faces inches from one another, I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face. I looked into the sea of green that are his eyes, the electricity between us almost causing a static shock. I guess I really _did _like PJ. I could tell he felt it too because our lips were suddenly colliding. With his arms around my waist, and mine around his neck. It truly was a beautiful moment.

"I really like you, Alicia, in case you couldn't tell," he confessed.

"I really like you too, PJ," I said as we still were in each other's arms. I was suddenly struck back to reality as I could smell the stir-fry. Quickly, turning off the burner, I took the pot off of the stove and set it on the counter.

"Do you want to go on an actual date sometime?" he asked after our slightly burnt dinner, of course, I accepted. We were going to the zoo in exactly 2 days.

God, he was the cutest thing. Ever.

It was nearly 11 o'clock when Serenity finally came home. I was painting my nails a pretty pinkish color. For some reason, the skin underneath my nails was beginning to turn purple.

"How was your day?" she asked, sitting next to me.

"Excellent!" I enthused.

"Oh yeah, PJ came over right after I left, right?" she said, suggestively.

"He kissed me!" I said, biting my bottom lip so my smile wouldn't get any bigger. "And we're going on a date in a couple of days."

"I have some other good news," she said, "the agency you just modeled for called me, your manager, and said they want you to have a contract with them!"

"I started screaming and running around the apartment. I picked up my phone, and dialed the numbers, patiently holding my excitement in until I heard my father's familiar voice tiredly answer, ten I let out my scream and told him everything.

London was turning out to fulfill all of these big city dreams.


	5. Chasing the Wind

_/ewrgsdf/set?id=58197448_

_Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared._

-Buddha

I awoke early in the morning, my stomach grumbling. It stung and burned. Maybe it's an ulcer. I doubt a little hunger could make me feel so horrible. I attempted to fall back asleep, but I couldn't take it. My stomach felt terrible. My throat keeps making this involuntarily gag, like it was trying to vomit. I didn't even know that could happen on an empty stomach.

I threw the blanket off of my, the cold air touching my flesh, causing tiny little goosebumps to appear, and then I draped my legs over the edge. I was covered from head to toe, but I was still cold. I stumbled to the fridge, and sifted through everything. Finally, the only thing that seemed appetizing was some celery. I typically hate it, but I heard on the internet (so it must be true) that it's negative calories. Apparently, you burn more calories chewing it, since it's originally 0 calories. My stomach finally settled down, and it didn't burn anymore, so I went back to bed.

-TIME LAPSE-

The next day, I was to meet PJ in the lobby of my apartment at noon and then we'd walk to the zoo, which is only a few blocks from my place.

"Let's play the 'question game'," I suggested as we entered the zoo. We sure picked a cold day, though.

"What's that?" he asked.

"You ask me a question, and I answer it, and then I ask you a question, and then you do the same," I explained.

"Okay. What's your middle name?"

"I have two. Bonita and Carmen."

"so your full name is Alicia Bonita Carmen DeVeaux?" he asked, stifling his laughter.

"I know!" I said. "My initials are ABCD!"

"At least we know your parents knew their alphabet! Your turn."

"What does PJ stand for?"

"Is that the only reason you initiated this game?"

"Maybe..." I admitted.

"Well, it stands for..." he said, whispering something incoherent in my ear. I asked him to repeat himself, but I still couldn't understand.

"That was mean!" I said, realizing he wasn't going to tell me.

During the few hours we spent at the zoo, he got both of us a hot cocoa (I wanted to pay, but he insisted), we spent a lot of time at the polar bear exhibit because they're the best. I showed him my tattoo, though I regretted it because of the coldness (it's an infinity sign on my hip. Serenity has a matching one). We decided to go back to my place and watch a movie.

Christmas eve was tomorrow, and I was hanging out with PJ today. We still weren't "official" though, we were still simply dating.

The purpling of my nails still wasn't cleared up, yet. However, I'm not concerned. What I'm worried about is my hair. It's falling out (though, I don't have any bald spots, yet), and my body now has small, fine hair all over. I'm always cold, even if I'm wrapped up in a blanket, and the heat's on. I think I'm coming down with something.

On the bright side, I've lost 5 pounds. But I still feel fat. When will this feeling go away? My food journal's barely halfway full, and I've had it for two months.

But there's nothing with me. I'm just a 21-year-old girl trying to lose weight.

"Come to my parents Christmas party with me!' I begged, pulling on PJ's arm.

"Only on one condition," he said.

"Which is?"

"You become my girlfriend," he said, a huge smiling spreading across his perfect face, showing off his flawless teeth.

"Oh, yes! Of course!" I squealed. I don't think you understand how long I've waited for this. I gave him a big huge and a kiss before we began discussing the details for the Christmas party.

**I know this one's REALLY short, but I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. I'll possibly post a new one or two tomorrow, depending on how bored I am in class. Hahhaha. I'm productive. **


	6. A Shot Across the Bow

**I almost had this one done, but then my laptop decided to turn off by itself, and I didn't save it, and then I threw away all my notes for it, so then I had to write it again. **

_/43taewf/set?id=58209683_

_The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart._  
-Helen Keller

"Alicia!" my mother said as she opened the door, the chilly air swirling around my legs. "Come on in!"

We stepped through the threshold of the door, and she led PJ and I through the foyer, and into the family room where my father and sisters were sitting.

"This is my boyfriend, PJ," I told my parents, our elbows interlocked with one another's.

"Since when have you guys been dating?" Sasha said in her typical bitch tone.

"A couple of days ago," I responded. She just rolled her eyes and looked away.

Everyone then introduced themselves to PJ, each shaking his hand. We all sat around and discussed things until my parents' friends began to come in one by one.

Each family came in, dressed in Gucci and Burberry, jadeite and pearls around their necks, emeralds and black opals dangling from their ears, pink diamonds on their fingers, and fur on their feet. Each was just a family with a lot of money to their name.

I introduced PJ to each of them as well. I could tell he felt awkward and out of place. My parents' friends kept talking about trust funds, and investments, the stock prices and bonds, and kept asking PJ his opinions on each. He always just shrugged and said "I don't know".

After we all ate supper, and opened presents, I took PJ to see my old room, far away from everyone that could bother us.

"I'm sorry about my parents and their friends asking you all those questions. I could tell you were uncomfortable," I said as we sat on my old bed.

"It's fine. I'm glad I got to meet your family," he said.

"Your father told me to ask you two if you would like any," Jacqueline, the maid, said, poking her head through the door, showing a plate of Turkish delight. I have never had any before, so I took some.

"Edmund says these are really good,"' I said.

"Who's Edmund?"

"From the Chronicles of Narnia. Edmund went to the White Queen's castle because she promised him some Turkish delight," I said, taking a bite out of the cube, some of the power sprinkling on to my dress. I couldn't quite describe it, but the texture was chewy, like that of Swedish Fish. "I wouldn't go to the White Queen's castle for this."

I was, then, hit with the sudden realization of all of the food that I have eaten today. I felt my stomach begin to bubble at the thought of all the calories I just absorbed.

"I'll be back in a second," I said, getting up from my spot, and leaving the room, only to travel into my parent's bathroom, even though there's one in my old room.

I leaned over the toilet, my face inches away from the seat. I put my index and middle finger down my oesophagus until I could feel the contents from my stomach pour out of my mouth, leaving a bitter taste behind. I did this until I could see a bit of blood.

I flushed, and then swished some mouthwash around, like I read on one of those blogs I found on the internet, and then washed my face in cold water, so the redness of my eyes would cease (something else I read on the internet.), and then I made my way back to my room, where PJ was still sitting.

"What took you so long?" he asked.

"I had to go tell my dad something," I lied, the gut-wrenching guilt forming a knot in my stomach.

After my parents' friend's left, the family came down stairs for some drinks (except Sasha because she's only 16), and then we went home.

"It was nice seeing you again, Alicia, and nice meeting you, PJ," my mother said, giving us a hug as we, once again, stood outside the door. I could practically feel the tissues of my legs begin to freeze. It was snowing now, which was rare here. The tiny particles of frozen water intertwining between our bodies.

"You better treat her right," my dad said as we gave our final goodbyes, giving PJ's hand a firm shake, then closing the door.

"Stay with me tonight," I asked after he gave me our routine goodnight kiss outside of my front door. "Serenity's gone, so I'll be all alone on Christmas night!"

"I'd love to, but I don't have any clothes to change into," he said, playing with a loose lock of my hair.

"So go home and get some!"

"Okay," he said. "I'll be back in a little bit."

After about a half-an-hour, PJ was back again, knocking on my door. I changed into shorts and a tank top while he was gone.

"Wanna watch a movie?" I asked as we sat down on the couch, changing it to the on demand channel.

"Sure," he said, as I handed the remote to him, while he flipped through the channels.

After about thirty minutes of the movie, I poked his side, of which he is very ticklish, which ignited a tickle war. After a bit, his hand rubbed my side the wrong way.

"Ow!" I yelped out.

"I'm sorry!" he apologized.

"Kiss it better?" I asked, as he leaned over and pressed his lips to my ribs. "That's not where it hurts."

"Where does it hurt then?"

"Here," I said, pointing my lips. He leaned in closer and closer to me, until our lips were finally touching.

I pulled him on top of me, our bodies as one with another's. I began to tug his shirt up, until it was completely off of him, as he did the same. We continued taking each other's clothes off until our skin stuck to another's from the sweat.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked.

"No, I don't think _we're_ ready for this yet," I said. He didn't respond, he just got off of me, as we both put our clothes back on. "Are you mad?"

"No, why would I be? I don't want to make you do something you wouldn't want to do."

"Thanks for understanding," I said. I could tell he really wasn't mad or upset or anything.

"C'mon, let's go to bed. I'm getting tired," he said, turning off the moving and TV as we went back to my room to retire for the night.


	7. Like the Angel

**Okay. I'm sorry for being a douche and not posting for a while. But. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaajor trigger warning on this one. I don't want to give away what happens, but I probably should for the sake of the mental sanity for the readers. It involves sexual assault. I know I bring it into my stories a lot, but I don't want to make it a huge public thing by typing it out on here about why, so message me or something if you want to know why sexual assault is a big thing in my stories. **

_/sdfsdf/set?id=58516467_

_Try to be like the turtle - at ease in your own shell._  
-Bill Copeland

As the big grandfather clock near the TV struck eleven, Serenity came running out of her room, putting her earring through her left ear.

"Are you ready?" she asked. We were going to a New Year's party to watch the ball drop with some of our friends. PJ is coming to pick us up. He should be here any second.

And, as if on cue, there was PJ's typical four-fold knock. I happily pranced over to the door and opened it, his beautiful face greeting me. I gave him a quick kiss on the lips before I let him into the house

"Are you two ready to go?" he said, putting his arm around my waist. We both then followed him out of the building until we found the house that the party was at in the suburbs of London.

There sure was a lot of people in this small house. But, why should I worry about that? I'm just here to have a nice New Year's with my boyfriend and best friend. And only an hour until the ball drops!

Serenity went and got us three something to drink, and then ditched us to go do "stuff" with some guy.

"I have to go to the bathroom," PJ said, as he left me and made his way to the bathroom.

"Alicia?" said a familiar voice. "Alicia DeVeaux?" I looked up from being mesmerized by the bubble in my drink swirling around, to see the kid I went to secondary school with. He was always really weird and shady. I remembered that he didn't have many friends. I heard rumors that he tortured and killed small animals. But they're just rumors, right?

"It's Matthew, right?" I asked, trying not to sound scared. He looks almost exactly the same as he did then, except his acne cleared up, and his hair doesn't look greasy.

"Yeah! How've you been these days?"

"Um, pretty good," I said, slightly turning away from him, hoping he would get the hint.

"Same. What've you been up to?" he said, completely oblivious to my signals.

"Nothing much."

"I go to school here. What are you doing in London?"

"Nothing special," I said, getting kind of irritated. Thankfully, PJ showed up at just the right time, taking me away from Matthew.

"Who was that?" he asked while we were outside now, the bleak air twirling around my (gross) legs.

"Just some kid I went to school with, that's all."

"Oh, okay," he said.

As the clock inched towards the 12, everyone gathered around the huge plasma screen TV in the living room to watch the ball drop.

Then, the clock stuck midnight, and everyone started screaming and cheering, and throwing confetti around.

"I'm getting tired," PJ said after about an hour, yawning and stretching.

"So go home and go to bed," I said, moving a curly lock of hair out of his eyes.

"Are you sure? I don't want to just abandon you!"

"I'll be fine, I have my phone, and Serenity's here, and we'll find each other when we're ready to go."

"Okay..." he said, kind of warily as we walked to his car. "Be safe, okay?"

"I will," I replied as we shared a kiss and a hug goodbye.

"Please, be careful. Don't walk home alone, especially drunk, okay?"

"I will!"

"Promise me you won't."

"I promise I won't walk home alone," I said, crossing my arms over my chest, and sighing.

He gave me another hug and kiss goodbye, got in his car, and left.

I waltzed back into the house, and partied (of course, being faithful to PJ, whisking away boys trying to hit on me, and such.), and then I lost track of time.

Everything was really blurry. I couldn't tell if it was because I'm tired, or because of what I'm drinking. I was kind of confused, since I've only had the cup Serenity gave me when we first arrived, so I can't be drunk, can I? Suddenly, I began feeling immensely tired, light-headed, and like I'm going to be physically sick.

I ran to the bathroom, and started throwing up. It's fine when I make myself do it, but it feels worse since this isn't voluntary.

Is it normal to feel this sick when I've only had one drink? And then it hit me.

I started crying and fumbling for my phone, but I couldn't find it. It's starting to get hard to breathe. I cried harder and harder by the second, trying to find my phone. Where _is _it?!

Eventually, I lost consciousness and passed out against the wall in a hallway.

_How long have I been out? _I asked myself when I woke up.

Matthew was sitting on the edge of the bed, just staring at me.

_What are you doing here? _I wanted to say, but my vocal cords wouldn't produce any sound.

My vision was blurry and wouldn't stay focused. I could hear "Call Me Maybe" playing loudly in the living room.

"It's nice to see you're awake," he said, eerily, creeping over to me. I tried to sit up, but I apparently have no control over my body. It didn't respond to anything I told it to do. I couldn't even wriggle my toes.

I could feel my tears run down my cheeks as he began to take off my shoes, and then my clothes. I couldn't stop either.

_Stop!_ I tried to scream, but, still, nothing came out of my mouth.

"Just relax," he told me, as he proceeded to violate me. "It wouldn't hurt if you just relax."

_Please, God, make it stop. If you're listening, just kill me. Make it fast. _I said to myself.

It physically and emotionally pained everything in my body. My insides hurt. Every muscle hurt. My head hurt. Even my toes hurt.

After he finished inside me (after what seemed like a century, but was probably only 10 minutes), he carefully put my clothes back on.

"You are so beautiful. I just had to have you," he said. Is that supposed to be a compliment? "What are you crying about?"

I just want to die.

"I love you. You know that, right?" he said, stroking my face. I feel like vomiting again.

Eventually, he left me, on my side "just in case I threw up", and I slipped back into unconsciousness.

When I woke up again (which was only ten minutes), I discovered that I regained control over my body. So, I quickly got up from the bed, took my heels off, and began running.

I ran until my chest hurt from lack of oxygen.

I ran until the soles of my feet began to bleed.

I ran until I finally reached my apartment.

Serenity still wasn't home, even though it was now almost three in the morning.

I collapsed on the floor in tears. And, there, I saw my phone on the counter. I quickly grabbed it, and then dialed the familiar number.

"Help me, PJ. I've been raped."


	8. Conquerors

_Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present._  
-Jim Rohn

"Help me PJ. I've been raped," I cried into the phone as he mumbled a groggy salutation.

"What?" he said, still adjusting, trying to piece together what I just said.

"PJ..." I cried into the phone, trying to avoid saying those six words again.

"Where are you? What happened? Are you hurt?" he said, suddenly waking up.

"I'm at home," I managed to sputter out.

"Stay there, I'll be there soon."

In less than twenty minutes, PJ was quietly knocking on my door, his breath jagged, as if he ran all the way here.

"Alicia?" he said, slowly opening the door. I didn't say anything. I didn't know if I could. And if I could, what would I even say?

Eventually, PJ found me, curled up underneath my blanket in my bed, Kumo snuggled up next to me.

"Alicia..." he sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. I got up quickly, and rested my arms around PJ's neck, as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I feel safe with PJ. "What happened?"

I did nothing but shake my head and cry into his chest.

"Sweetie, I can't help you if you won't talk to me. Are you hurt physically?" he said, while I still did nothing but cry.

He didn't push me to get me to say anything, he just let me cry. I kept this up for hours, until Serenity finally came home.

"What happened?!" she asked, when she saw the state I was in. I still couldn't do anything but cry.

"I'm going to go tell her what happened, okay?" PJ said, carefully getting up and talking to Serenity in a low voice in the hallway. I couldn't make out exactly what he was saying, but I could hear his soothing voice.

"Are you okay?" she asked sympathetically, rubbing my back. I didn't even move. I looked up at her, and, suddenly, she had one of those "ah-ha!" looks on her face. "I'll right back."

"Can you please tell me what happened?" PJ asked after she left. I just shook my head. "I'm taking you to the hospital then."

"No!" I managed to say, though my voice was high and shaky. "I-I don't want any one else to know."

"Alicia, you have to go. What if you're hurt?"

"I _am _hurt, PJ."

"I know, I meant physically."

"I don't think so..."

"Can we please go to make sure you're okay?"

"I'll _never_ be okay again, PJ."

"I know, but what if you have something life-threatening wrong with you?"

"What if I don't?"

"We'll never know unless you go to the hospital. You won't have to report it, they won't force you to, but they'll make sure you're psychically okay, and they'll collect evidence in case you wanted to press charges later."

"Okay...I'll go," I said as Serenity came through the door.

"Here," she said handing me a pill, "take this. I know it's inappropriate timing, but it's most effective when taken as soon as possible."

"What is it?" I said, moving the pill around in my hand.

"The Morning After pill."

"What does it do?" I asked, trying to figure out where I"ve heard that name before.

"It prevents conception."

"Wait, isn't that just the abortion pill?"

"No, most just prevent conception. This one also prevents implantation in case the former fails."

"So it _could_ possibly cause abortion."

"Well, yeah."

"I'm not taking that. You know how I feel about abortion."

"C'mon," PJ interrupted, "let's go."

"Go? Go where?"

"The hospital."

"Can I come?" Serenity asked.

"No," I said, "I just want PJ there with me."

This car ride was possibly the longest in my life. We sped past buildings I've seen a hundred times before, but the didn't feel real.

_I _didn't feel real.

When we got to the hospital, told me to sit in the waiting room while he signed me in. We waited nearly forty-five minutes before someone finally called us back.

"Hello, Alicia. I'm Lily Stewart, and this is Amy Hunter. She's going to be preforming your examination, while I"ll be questioning you about your assault. You don't have to report your attack, but we'll keep the evidence if you would like to pursue a court case, okay?"

"Okay..." I said warily.

"If you feel at all uncomfortable during your examination, just tell us, and we'll stop. We're here to help you," Amy said. "I'm going to be drawing blood for a toxicology exam to test your blood for drugs present in your system."

"Can you tell us about what happened?"

"I went to a New Year's party,"I said as she stuck the needle in my arm, "and my friend got me one drink at around eleven, and that was the only drink I had all night. At around one-thirty or two, I started feeling funny, but I knew I wasn't drunk, and then I passed out, and when I woke up, my old schoolmate was there, and then he- he," I said, unable to choke the last word out.

"What did you do afterwards?" Lily asked.

"I ran home and called PJ," I said, gesturing to him.

"Did you leave your drink unattended at any time during the night?"

"I think once, when I went to the bathroom, and I thought it would be gross to bring it in."

"That might have been when he put the drugs in your drink," Amy said. "I'm going to get this blood sample down to the lab."

"You said he was your old schoolmate. Do you know his name?" Lily said.

"I think his name is Matthew Christian."

"Alicia, I'm going to have to ask you to change into this. We need to collect your clothes for evidence," Amy said, handing me a folded up hospital gown.

"Why?"

"Standard procedure. It could have DNA on it, or evidence from the scene," she said as she led me into the bathroom to change.

The examination went smoothly. They combed through my hair to get particles from that, as well as take a hair sample, and they scrapped underneath my fingernails to get DNA from that, and they had me take a urine sample. They swabbed the inside of my mouth with a Q-tip, too.

"We're going to have to do the vaginal examination next. Are you okay with that?"

"What happens?"

"Have you ever had a well-woman check up?" I nodded.

"It's just like that, except we swab the vaginal wall to collect DNA, such as semen or skin particles."

I complied, and lied back as I would for a check-up. I also had PJ told my hand during the procedure.

"I have her toxicology report from her hair, Amy," Lily said as she entered the room. "She tested positive for GHB."

"What's GHB?" PJ asked.

"It's a date rape drug" Lily said as I shuddered at the word. "It's colourless and odorless, and can be easily hidden in drinks with strong flavour. It often makes it so the person who ingests it has memory loss, but, obviously, not always. It usually renders the person immobile. She was apparently given a small dose of it, that's why she's able to recall what happened, but wasn't able to move."

"You're free to go, Alicia," Amy said. "You have no obvious contusions, and the effects of the GHB should be gone in a few hours. You're safe to go home."

"Do you want to press charged today?" Lily asked.

"No, not tonight," I said.

"Then you're free to go."

We called Serenity and she brought me a change of pajamas, and then we went back home.

"Can I stay with you tonight? At your house?" I asked as we went back to my room. It was almost seven in the morning now.

"This is all my fault," he replied. That doesn't really answer my question.

'What do you mean?"

"If I hadn't left you there alone, this would've never happened," he said as his eyes started to water.

"No, it's not your fault. It's _my_ fault."

"No, Alicia. Don't you ever say that. It's _not_ your fault, it's _his_. You weren't out there binge drinking, and even if you were, it still wouldn't be your fault. It will never, ever, be your fault for what happened."

"Can we stay at your house tonight?" I asked again, simply. He just sighed and obliged.

**Hai guise. I'm typing this whilst at school. I'm still on hiatus, per say. My laptop is completely broken now, and I still don't know if I'll get a new one soon or not, so bear with me. If anyone wants to do a guest chapter for any of the other fics I have up (i.e. Blue Moon, Harakiri), please message me or leave a review and I'll get to you. :)**


	9. Eyeless

**So, since my laptop caught on fire while it was being worked on, BlendableLion wrote this one for me. You should go check her out :) if anyone else wants to write a guest chapter for any of my stories, message me!**

_An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind._

_-M.K. Gandhi_

PJ's bedroom was warm and smelled of caramel, like his curly hair. I sat down on his bed, gazing at the many posters that he had adorned his wall with, as he changed into a pair of pajamas. I smiled to myself as I examined a photo of PJ who was standing with his arms around a boy with brown hair.

"Hey,"

I looked up from the picture to see PJ standing before me wearing a pair of plaid boxers and a see-through white shirt. He snuggled on the bed next to me, gently placing his hands around my waist. "You need to stop being so beautiful," he said, gently nipping at my earlobe "You're driving me crazy."

"Thanks..." I muttered, my body with PJ, but my mind elsewhere. Too many things had happened in the last few days, and all I wanted to do now was to escape from what had happened to me last night. It was like a gray storm cloud, always where, raining down on me without warning. But PJ was there, being my umbrella and blocking out the hate.

I returned his gentle nipping at my ear with a full kiss on his lips. Our breathing became ragged and before I knew it, PJ was on top of me. His hand was under my sweater, underneath my bra. He seemed to be tracing my ribs, his hand's movements becoming slower, taking in how they felt.

"Honey, you're awfully skinny," he said, removing my sweater and tossing it on the floor. He gasped as he saw my body, taking in my producing collarbone, my dipped in stomach. I could easily count my ribs, and my hipbones were very prominent. "Are you doing this to yourself?"

I opened my mouth to say something, but whatever words were blocked out by my quick intake of breath and the loud sobbing that quickly followed. He set me on his lap and slowly rocked me back and fourth until I could talk.

"Baby you're not ugly or fat. You're the most perfect girl in the world," He said, kissing my cheek repeatedly "We need to get some food in you, will you eat, or do I have to force you?"

"I'll try." I said, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand.. He smiled at me, filling my heart with a warm surge of heat.

"That's my girl." he said, taking my hand and pulling me towards the kitchen.

Minutes later, a plate filled with eggs and toast had been set in front of me, and PJ kept looking at the plate, and back at me. I wrinkled my nose and tentatively poked the yolk of the egg with my fork. The delicate exterior of it broke, and the whites of the egg turned a bright orange color.

I pushed the plate as far away from me as I could, and scooted back in my chair. There was no way that I was going to eat.

"Please?" PJ said, his hypnotic green eyes sparking with tears.

"Fine."

One bite, two bites, three bites.

After about forty-five minutes of this, the plate finally emptied, and the empty gnawing feeling at my stomach finally ceased.

I dropped the plate in the sink and followed PJ to his bedroom, drifting back into a wonderful sleep, not troubled by the hollow feeling in my stomach or repulsed by the way that I look. PJ cared about me, and that was all that mattered.


	10. Realisation

**This chapter was written by youtubefanfiction. you should deff go check her out! :D**

_They can because they think they can.**  
**_-Virgil**  
**

"Alicia!"

"No...please..."

"ALICIA!"

Instantly I bolted up in bed on my best alert; scanning for danger whilst trying to get my breath back. Suddenly I felt a hand on my chin and I shrieked out of fear.

But as soon as the hand turned my face to look at the owner of it straight in the eye everything was alright again.

Because that hand belonged to the very handsome PJ.

My PJ.

I exhaled the breath I seemed to be holding in and flopped back against my pillow. I wiped away the tears falling heavily from my eyes and moped the beads of sweat from my forehead.

"Were you back there again?" PJ carefully asked. I slowly nodded as I tried not to experience my nightmare again.

PJ led back down beside me and pulled me in to his arms. I greeted his enveloping warmth with pure gratitude and snuggled in to his chest.

"It's okay Alicia, I promise. I'm here and I swear I won't let anything like that happen to you again. Ever"

I nodded again and closed my eyes in hope for actual sleep.

-NEXT MORNING-

As the morning sun peered through the curtains I could feel the light disturbing my slumber. Reluctantly I rubbed my eyes and opened them. I reached out for my phone from the bedside table and turned it on so I could check the time.

9:30 AM.

"Damnit!" I cried and flipped off the duvet causing PJ to be startled awake.

"Hey!" he complained but I ignored him and ran in to the bathroom to prepare myself for the day.

"Work starts at 10!" I called out and I heard PJ groan stubbornly.

"Can't you just pretend to be sick and stay in bed all day with me?"

I flung open the bathroom door and ran to put my clothes on. "No can do!".

There was no point wearing anything fancy as I would only be getting changed and styled as soon as I arrived at the studio. "I have an important photo shoot today and they need me"

Grabbing my phone and keys I threw them in to my handbag and slung it on my shoulder.

"Do you want me to drive you?" PJ offered as I was pulling on my designer leather boots.

"It's alright, I haven't got time to wait for you to drag yourself out of bed"

Kissing PJ on the cheek I made my way out the door; ready to face the world.

And that's when I froze.

As soon as I reached outside and witnessed the people around me everything that had happened hit me out of nowhere. Becoming paranoid of everyone and everything I pulled my hood up to cover my face and started walking faster to my destination. I could have sworn everyone surrounding me were looking at me the same way Matthew did that horrible night.

By the time I reached work I was trembling yet relieved to be out of what felt like the spotlight. However I then realised that I really would be under the spotlight soon.

"You can do this Alicia" I told myself "You've been in front of the camera how many times exactly? It's like any other day"

After my little pep talk with myself I reached the dressing room to get ready. Half an hour later I was living up to the expectations of the modelling agency and ready to pose in front of the camera lens.

"DeVeaux?" said a well-dressed man with perfected facial hair.

"That's me" I replied and gave him a nervous smile. The man shrugged and led me to the set.

The set was phenomenal. It sported a brilliantly detailed cloudy night sky with heavy rain. The whole concept of the shoot was that I was to be the burst of true light and spirit in the dark and shadowed world.

Despite this I felt more like the Queen of Shadows.

I wanted to be in the shadows.

I wanted to get away.

"'I'm sorry!" I called out and ran out of the set and in to the bathroom. Before I could register what was happening I was instinctively crying hysterically and throwing up in to the sink.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN!" I shouted at my reflection before throwing up some more. When I eventually stopped puking I slid down on the floor with strong aching inside trying to get my energy back.

I couldn't stop thinking about my assault. The way it had made me feel and the things it made me do shouldn't have to happen to anyone; I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy.

Fumbling for my phone I pulled it out and brought up the dialler. With my shaking finger I pressed the correct numbers and found the courage to press 'Call'.

Which each ring I became more and more nervous.

But I knew what I had to do for the sake of my sanity and for the sake of potential others.

Soon the automatic voice filled my ear and I spoke the correct details. Afterwards the call was put through to a member of staff and they answered my phone call.

"Hello?" I said

"I would like to report a crime"


	11. Something Wonderful

**I don't know much about the justice system in America, let alone in England, so I'm just taking what I've seen in Law & Order: SVU and apply that because it would take extensive months of research to learn how the English justice system functions. **

_Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success._  
-Swami Sivananda

_/dfghjk/set?id=70500250_

"Are you sure you want to do this, Alicia?" PJ asked me before we walked through the doors of the police station.

"Yes, it's only right."

I had told the people at the photo shoot that I had a family emergency and had to go home right away. They looked sort of disappointed, but told me I better be here next time, and that they'd take all the shots that don't include me while I was gone.

After taking some general information, two detectives called me back to an interrogation room. They told me PJ wasn't allowed back with me during this part of the investigation.

The first question they asked me was what happened. I told them everything I could remember, but I've forgotten some of the details, but everything else is with the hospital. Then they asked me who did it, where I was, and what time it happened. I asked them why they couldn't just take all the things I said at the hospital, but, apparently, I have to "get used to telling my story over and over again".

"Would you like to take this to court?" the one detective asked.

"I don't know. Should I?"

"I've helped many victims in my day. I've seen a lot that regret _not _going to court, but I've never, ever, met one that regretted it."

"Even if they lost?"

"Yes, even if they lost. They called their attacker out in public, they humiliated him. The accusation that they made will be on his record, most likely, forever."

They then continued to ask me more questions, such as if they take the kit from the hospital, and what he was wearing, and what I was wearing, and the smells of the room, and other specific questions.

I was sent home after they were done taking a statement, and then, a few hours later, they called me back to the precinct to let me know they have him in custody, and I needed to identify him in a line up. They arrested him and put him in their holding cell. They said they'd try to get him remand without bail tomorrow. And then, I saw the two detectives that helped me at the hospital.

"Our ADA will make sure we have the best case possible," Detective Stewart assured me.

After I was done at the precinct, PJ took me home to Serenity. I figured I should probably be getting my life back to normal and just move on. All I really want from this is closure.

Since PJ didn't have a scale in his bathroom, and he followed me around everywhere I went, I couldn't weigh myself in the couple of days I was with him. All I ate was that one plate of eggs so I couldn't have gained _too _much weight.

As I stepped onto the digital scale in my bathroom, I braced myself for the worst. I really can't be spending the night at PJ's like this. I can't pretend to eat there, because he hovers over me, and I can't go and purge it because there's too many people that will hear me! Finally the scale came up with the number.

140.

I haven't eaten a full meal since Christmas, and before that, it had been months, and I'm _still _only 140? Only 10 pounds from my original weight? That kind of black magic is this?! I already exercise multiple times a day, am I going to have to resort to amputation just to shed a few pounds?

"Hey," Serenity said coming through the door. "I'm sorry about the other night when _that_ happened. I wasn't trying to upset you, I was only trying to help."

"It's fine. I know you had good intentions," I said going to my room to be alone.

How am I going to tell my parents what happened to me? They're going to find out anyway, either when it hits the papers (I can see the headlines now: "HEIRESS GETS ATTACKED"), or when their country club friends start gossiping. How are they going to take it? Are they going to blame me? Will they sympathise with him just like many news channels have done in past attacks? I've seen what happens to victims when they go public with their story. People send them threats, and harass them, and tell them they made it all up for attention. I even heard a story about an heiress whose trust fund was emptied when she told her dad about her attack. Would my parents do that to me?

"Daddy?" I began after the maid gave the phone to him. "Can you and mum meet me for dinner tonight?"

_Three months later_

_/tyfgh/set?id=76150229_

It had been nearly ninety days since my assault. The ADA at the precinct wasn't able to persuade the judge to get him remand without bail, but she said bail was set pretty high. I wish the justice system wasn't so slow moving. They said it's going to take almost a year to get to the actual trial, and that I'll have to tell my story over and over again to a bunch of people I don't know many times. I'm going to have to go to a preliminary hearing in three months, and then wait another six months to go to trial, that's if the judge decides there's enough evidence to have a trial.

But I don't think anybody's noticed all the weight I've lost. Serenity once commented on how little I've been eating and how weird I've been acting lately. I, of course, denied everything. What does she know?

PJ had been promising me for days he was going to do something really special with me, but he refuses to tell me what. At around ten 'til seven in the evening, PJ came by my flat to pick me up. He told me to pack comfortable and warm clothes and whatever else I want to sleep with. After I packed some jeans, sweaters, a coat, ad a pair of warm pyjamas, he took me to his car and started driving. When we got to his house he covered my eyes and began to lead me to the backyard. I heard him unzip something and gently pull me into something. When I opened my eyes I saw I was in a huge tent that's tall enough for both of us to only slouch a little bit when we stand up. It was partitioned in the middle so we had a separate place to sleep. An extension cord from the house led into here so we could hook up his laptop to watch films and have a space heater to keep us warm.

"I figured we'd both be more comfortable closer to a house. If we have to go to the bathroom, we can just go inside," PJ said sitting down in one of the bean bags he had set up. I pulled the remaining beanbag closer to him and took a seat as we went through a stack of DVD's. We eventually decided on _The Princess Bride, _since he had never seen it, and it's one of my favourite films.

After the film was over and the screen faded to black, both PJ and I decided it was time for bed, being that it was nearing one in the morning. We moved back to the section where we slept and then crawled into the two sleeping bags PJ had already zipped together, and then we covered ourselves with more blankets, since we turned off the space heater so the tent wouldn't catch fire.

"I love you, PJ," I said after he turned off the lamp. "I don't think I could have healed this much from what happened without you."

He pulled me closer and kissed me before replying: "I love you too, Alicia."

He kissed me, and then I kissed him back, and we continued this cycle as it got more and more intense by the second, and then in no time, our clothes were slowly beginning to come off (I can feel the tissues begin to freeze now), which isn't something I planned for the night.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or obligated to," PJ inquired. Of course, I violently nodded my head and quickly consented.

I had only got intimate with once before when I was still in school, but what's happening between PJ and I cannot be compared. Maybe it's because I have stronger feelings for PJ. What's happening right now is something I can't even explain. It feels like I'm going upside down on a roller coaster, or the jump out of a plane when skydiving.

After we finished, we laid in each other's arms for a few minutes before we got cold and put our clothes back on and decided that this time we really were going to go to bed.


	12. Almost Easy

**I'm sorry this took me so long to write, I'll try to be quicker next time!**

**If you couldn't read the part where her assault happens because it might have been triggering, read this with caution because most of it's the trial.**

_/kjs/set?id=81415546_

_Just know, when you truly want success, you'll never give up on it. No matter how bad the situation may get._

_-_Unknown

"Are you ready?" PJ asked as he adjusted his tie in the mirror. I handed him my necklace, and then I turned around so he could help me put it on. He kissed my cheek and handed me the bag that matched my outfit.

"I am now," I said as Serenity walked out of her room. She told us she was ready, and then we all went down to the lobby to wait for my parents to pick us up and take us to the courthouse.

Yesterday, Alexis, the ADA, walked me through everything I needed to know for the trial. She told me I wouldn't be allowed in the courtroom until I testified, and then she reviewed my statement I told the police, just to refresh my memory on some minor details I forgot. She also told me how the defense will probably make me upset or angry, or try to be sweet to me and make me feel like he's on my side, when he's really just make a mockery of my testimony, and told me not to fall for it. The defense is trying to play it off as consensual by saying he didn't know I had GHB in my system, which made me want to cry when she told me. After she was done explaining everything to me, she had one of her colleagues do a mock-cross-examination with me, and then she took me to the courthouse and showed me where everyone would be.

We had all waited in the hallway outside of the courtroom for nearly three hours before I was called in to testify. My family and friends all took a seat in the front row directly behind Alexis, while I took the stand.

First, Alexis questioned me. She asked me general questions about what happened that night- what was the date, what time did I leave, who did I leave with, what happened during, and what did I do after? I tried to answer all of her questions to the best of my ability, but, as any normal person would, some of the small details had slipped my mind in the months since. She then started asking me about Matt. How did I know him? How long have I known him? What was our relationship like before?

"Did he say anything to you during the assault?"

"Yes. He first told me to relax, saying he wouldn't have to hurt me if I would just relax. He also justified what he did by saying I was pretty," I said as I tried my hardest to hold back my tears.

"Nothing further," she said as she went back to her little table as as the defense got up.

His lawyer was quite young. He looked like he couldn't be older than thirty-five. He was wearing a nice-looking- but cheap- vertical pinstripe suit which clashed horribly with his horizontal striped tie and his glen plaid shirt underneath. He was on the shorter side (I'm probably taller than him), but I think the pinstripes make him look taller.

I noticed that both Matt and his lawyer were sweating profusely. I also noticed that he kept wringing his hands while Alexis questioned me. His legs also shook while he walked up to the stand. Alexis told me that this defense attorney was the only one that would represent him. She said that he'd find a lawyer, and he'd tell them the details, and they'd turn him away. This lawyer was appointed by the government, and I'm pretty sure he's a first timer, judging by his body language. I'm sure we're all nervous right now, but none of us look like him.

When he first spoke, his voice was shaky and weak, and he even mumbled his words, making the judge and Alexis ask him to speak up. He basically asked me the same questions Alexis did, except with more of an attitude. Every time I answered something, he gave me a look as if everything I said was a lie.

"Is it true you were drinking that night?" he pondered, his voice still shaking slightly.

"I had one drink throughout the entire night, yes."

"Why did you wait so long to report what allegedly happened to you?" he inquired.

"I- I only-" I began before he started talk again.

"Is it because you cheated on your boyfriend-" he supposed.

"Objection, your honour!" Alexis said before he could finish his sentence, but it was too late. I had already started crying my eyes out.

"Withdrawn. Nothing further," he said going back to his stupid seat.

I got up, found my seat next to PJ, and then I rested my head on his shoulder while my family consoled me for the rest of our time here.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" the judge said as he handed a piece of paper to a police officer who then handed it to the first juror.

"We have your honour. We find the defendant..."

**I know it's short, but it's actually only 30 less than 1,000 words!**

**I found some really great links that helped me write this accurately, so if you're doing something similar in one of your fics, or you know someone who is, just ask me for these links, and I'll be glad to send them to you.**


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